Love is Kind

love is kindLove is kind…

I hear it ring in my mind, but it hasn’t really ever penetrated my heart.

But I feel the Lord lately, whispering those words more and more often.

Love is kind…

Love is kind…

When my children are throwing a fit…

Love is kind…

When I’m angry and feel justified because I’ve been wronged…

Love is kind…

When sarcastic humor wells up in my throat in response to a quip…

Love is kind…

When in my frustration, I go into my room and I close my door.  I drop to my knees in tears, knowing only God can fix the ugliness I feel overtaking me.  Irritated, tired and angry, tears fall down my cheeks as I pray out of sheer desperation for God to change my heart toward my family.

Love is kind…

Eyes closed, wet faced, I hear a noise in my room…my 2 oldest children are under my bed, hiding…

Love is kind…

When I want to scream…

Love is kind…

When I really do scream…

Love is kind…

I find myself so far from what God calls love. Mean…I find myself mean and I’m sorry for it.  My tone is mean. My thoughts are mean.  My manner, at best is aloof, but in my heart I know, it’s mean.


Love is kind.


Lord please restore those of us mommies who are failing to walk in Your joy and grace. Forgive us for not being thankful. Teach us to show the love You have for us to our husband’s and children.  Let our love be kind. When we are tired and we have nothing left to give, pour Your love into us , so we might show the simplest of love, kindness.

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5 Ways to Not Lose Your Mind When You Have Small Children and Are Exhausted.

uri snail

Walking around in the brisk evening air, holding a book I’d been longing to finish I see my 2 year old running toward me.  He is covered in orange juice he personally squeezed and the combination of boogers and dirt on his face could easily gag a less experienced mother.  In his perfectly broken 2 year old language he blurts out “I found ‘nother one. Help me, mom!” (Don’t panic, we have orange trees.) And so I put the book down…AGAIN…and peel his dirty little orange. He runs off to be with his older siblings and for some reason, I can’t explain, I appreciate this moment.

There is a flock of sparrows circling around our yard, the grass is green, the children are laughing and the baby who has been crying all day is content snuggled up against my chest in the Ergo.  My eyes well up, pregnancy hormones perhaps, but I acknowledged the perfect mama moment and I know there are so many I’ve let go unnoticed.

You see, baby number 7 will be here in September and though I’m overjoyed to add a new member to the family, I’m exhausted!  This will be the closest age difference in children and I’m really feeling the effects of raising a 9 month old who doesn’t sleep through the night and my body being used to create this new life cookin’ in my belly.

I just want to sleep for days. Getting out of bed is the most difficult thing, not because I’m overwhelmed with the many tasks of the day, but because my entire body is mimicking the feeling you get in the middle of the night when you reach over and can’t even muster the strength to pick up your pillow.

There is a great temptation to overlook the tiny moments creating an amazing season of love and parenting.

There are temptations to complain…be discontent…struggle…


We can always step outside with our littles and a book and enjoy the scenery. The days may seem long, but the years are few and short.

Enjoy life, intentionally enjoy whichever season you find yourself.  For me, it’s boogers, snails, dirt and exhaustion, but I will entertain my littles, and keep on going!!

5 ways to not lose your mind when you have small children and are exhausted:

Go for a walk: Sometimes we just walk around the house if littles are napping, but fresh air and a change in scenery is always helpful.

Pick up a book and pull up a chair: leave the dishes and join your children as they read to themselves or sit outside while they play.

Invite a friend over: Motherhood doesn’t have to be lonely.  Text a friend and beg her to bring over a bag of tangerines (Cuties or Halos, no matter to me) so you can sit and have coffee together while your littles snack and play.  Stop caring what your house looks like and enjoy relationships with people.

Teach your children to play a new game:  I admit, you have to be in good spirits for this one, but it works when you’re exhausted. Pull out a board game or teach them a new card game. You will be able to sit and rest while you stimulate all your minds!!

Take a deep breath and look around: A quick inventory of your blessings is always a refresher. We live with washers/dryers, electricity and indoor plumbing. Women have done more with less.


Thanks for stopping by The Mom I Want To Be!!  Please comment below with what  you do to refresh yourself or entertain your littles when exhaustion sets in!!

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When Facebook all Seems for Nothing…4 Areas to Focus on When Life Seems Shallow.

when facebook all seems for nothing

I logon…3 messages…56 notifications.

I don’t care.

All I can think of is Noah Chamberlin.

My heart is broken over the tragic loss of a 2 year old boy who is part of my extended family, a boy I have never met, but who has changed me forever.

I love Facebook. I always have, but after a recent sabbatical I haven’t been back in full force.  Then with the tragic week of missing Noah, the only internet I could stand were posts from his family or news reports on the current status.  Angela  is Noah’s aunt and has been a mentor of sorts to me in my blogging journey. Her mother (one of Noah’s grandmother’s) has often been an encouragement to me via social media. To watch them go through this has been, in moments, more than I could bear on my own.  And that is just me…a distant relative…touched…broken.

And now the search is over and for Noah’s family, the true mourning begins. And so my dear fb world…

I do not care about what you had for dinner.

I do not care if you worked out.

I do not care to tell you about my business.

I do not care that your bad day consisted of waiting too long at the DMV.

I do not much care about your politics.


I do still care about life…

  • Your relationship with God
  • Your broken heart
  • Your new babies
  • Your children (and nieces and grandchildren)… their milestones…their recitals…their baseball practice
  • The woman who regrets Roe vs Wade
  • Your marriage
  • Birthdays
  • Weddings
  • Joy

If you, like me, are struggling today with what to do when “it all seems for nothing” or their is so just so much “shallow” on your Facebook page I want to help you keep a little perspective.

4 Areas to Focus on when life seems shallow:

  1. God:      Remember, we have a God who loves us so much He sent His only Son to die as a sacrifice for our sins so that He could live forever with us in eternity.  If you don’t know Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior, it really is all for nothing.  Pray for those people you find ridiculous today with their negativity, and lack of perspective. They need Jesus. They need you to love them like Jesus would.
  2.  We are all in different seasons: Whether immaturity, lack of faith, or just plain cluelessness, most of us have been there, not realizing our problems weren’t really problems at all and even our life’s victories and achievements may have been  shallow.  Though you may long for more purpose filled life, let us remember to be understanding, compassionate and eternally focused on how we can help meet the needs of those around us.  Sometimes a little perspective is needed, but grace and compassion are godly traits.
  3. Love people:      Loving people with our actions and our words shows the love of Christ. Type nice words. Encourage with scripture.  Take a meal. Write a card. DO SOMETHING to show love.
  4. There is a time for everything:  Even though today may be a day of mourning for us, for another it might be a day to rejoice.


Here is a great article from a friend about her Facebook life….a respectable read.

Thanks for being here.  You are loved and appreciated.  Go do something of value today!!

The Story of a Failed Ringbearer…and 4 Tips for you if Your Child is going to be in a Wedding!!

uri wedding 2

This was the moment, it was going to happen!!

As I stood, in my Matron of Honor dress behind my 3 young boys with my 2 young daughters behind me, my heart leapt realizing he was really going to do it!! My 6 and 7 year old boys dawned their sunglasses and earpieces and as they flanked my toddler son who stood perfectly dressed, ring pillow situated in his tiny grip.

As my 7 year old gently went to touch the official ring bearers back to nudge him forward, it happened…
Now, every mother has been overly confidant in the abilities of their children at some point in parenting. I was no different. I had faith in my almost 2 year old. He was a good, happy child…he could walk behind people sandwiched between his brothers holding a pillow.

I WAS WRONG…AGAIN…and I’m sure it won’t be last time either!!!
And so it was, with joy and anticipation in my heart I watched my generally sweet boy THROW the pillow on the ground and run screaming from the bridal party procession!!
People are yelling “PLAN B!! PLAN B!!” and though my hopes for the best kid ever were shattered the wedding planner scooped him up, my other boys grabbed the pillow, a tiny corner in each hand, and we all walked forward with the wedding attendees none the wiser.
He didn’t actually ruin the wedding and it has made a hilarious story, BUT, when you have 5 of your 6 children under the age of 8 in a wedding the odds of one of them ruining it our pretty good. Just a warning to you!! Thankfully my sister was a lovely AND GRACIOUS bride.
Has someone patient and kind asked your children to be in a wedding party? It’s ok to still be excited after reading my humorous, yet slightly horrific anecdote. Grab a backup, hope your little is better than mine and take a quick glance at these tips.
4 Tips For you if Your Child is going to be in a Wedding:
1. ALWAYS have extra snacks: NOTHING and I repeat NOTHING runs on time for weddings. Seriously, be 5 minutes late to something if you need to stop and pick up crackers. Whining children are annoying children and annoying children are not fun to have around!!
2. BE FLEXIBLE: Enjoy the time with family and friends. Your littles might be up later than you ever wanted to allow them to, but hey, it’s just for a short time of celebrating the upcoming wedding and marriage of loved ones.
3. Take the time to remind your children how precious marriage is and pray with them for the wedding day and for the bride and grooms future life as husband and wife.
4. Enjoy and thank the bride and groom for including your child/children. In a day and age when people don’t often even want children at their wedding it is a great honor to be included in the festivities in this special way. Show them you are thankful.


But weren’t they cute!?

uri wedding boys wedding


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Be A Better Wife Wednesday: Tell him with love

love“Okay”, I say as I walk away and tears are streaming down my face, but he doesn’t see them.  In an effort to avoid the gazillion questions children ask when they suspect you’ve been crying I go to my room to regain some composure and maybe wash my face.

My husband hurt my feelings.

Sitting here typing this I can’t remember exactly what he said,  but I know a few things:

  • My husband loves me.
  • He doesn’t hurt my feelings on purpose.
  • He may not have meant what he said the way I took it.

Now at this point (after your feelings have been hurt) you always have a few options…

  1. Give the silent treatment
  2. Be a total witch
  3. Let it go

If you’ve been here before you know I’m a “let it go” kinda lady, but there are occasions when, after a time of prayer and consideration, sharing with your husband that he hurt your feelings is really beneficial.

Last night, with my arms wrapped around the man I love, after I’d kissed him and told him he was so dreamy, I shared with him (quickly and sweetly)  how something he’d said really hurt my feelings the other night.   My words were soft and spoken with the love of a wife who wanted her husband to realize she loved him through hurt feelings.


He said, “I’m really sorry, honey. I shouldn’t have said that. It was stupid and I love you.”


It’s so much easier to let it go when there are sweet words of apology.

But what if he wasn’t sorry?

I expressed my feelings  with love and at a time when I wasn’t angry or hurt anymore.  I had given it to God and wanted my husband to know I loved him and I wanted to help him out by letting him know how to better love his wife.

Loving and Kind always wins out.  There are times to be quiet and time to speak. May you respect your husband in the way he needs today.

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Be a Better Mom Monday: Cultivating Loving Sibling Relationships

Cultivationg Loving sibling relationships With the holidays just over and the new year upon us I’ve been reflecting on how traditions are holding up in my generation. Adult siblings fascinate me and as I pray for the future relationships of my own children I’m looking for ways to cultivate long lasting relationships between them. Sibling relationships are so important to me. The tips on the previous sibling relationships post is a good read too!!

I try to:

  • Build family unity: We are all on the same team. Well, it’s my husband and I against the children some days, but you know what I mean. We talk about how when we are out and about we represent both Christ and the Perry family. We have family rules, we honor no matter where we are.  We want our children to have a sense of who they are in our family and how their relationship to each other can effect the whole world with their love for each other.
  • Teach them to be happy for one another: Life isn’t always fair and everyone certainly isn’t always treated equally. Some children are better at drawing. Some are better at sports, and most importantly some haven’t found a niche yet!!!  Learning to be happy  and show love when someone else is better than you at a specific task, or when they have an item you’d like is a lifelong asset.
  • Encouraging sharing even with the “favorite” toys: This is a “gray” area for some people.  Under the guise of teaching our children to be good stewards parents often encourage children to not share with careless friends or siblings.  Though I find there is  a little validity to this philosophy I prefer the “it’s all stuff” mindset and hope it for our children.  No “thing” is more important than your relationships with people.  Sharing even our favorite things, encourages us to not only put others first, but hopefully eventually a lighter grip on “stuff” in general.

I try NOT to:

  • Breed competitiveness between them: If you have 2 boys of any age, you’ve probably encountered this. Now, I should disclose, in my youth, I was RIDICULOUSLY competitive and the trait still rears it’s ugly head from time to time, however I really prefer my children to love the game, and the challenge and not necessarily the win.  The hope is they will challenge each other to be the best they can be through life because they are striving to be who God created them to be NOT in an effort to one up each other.
  • Not characterize them by their strengths/weaknesses: A wise woman once told me, “You’re children are not who they are going to be at 3 or even 6 or 12 years old.” It’s important to me the children learn not to have contempt for each others strengths nor do I want them to rejoice in each others weaknesses.

In the end, all I hope for is my children at least WANT to spend their holidays and lives together. Maybe they will all return to their childhood home a couple times a year. Maybe they will rotate hosting responsibilities for parties between houses.  I just hope for them to WANT to be together and for the to WANT to raise their children around each other.  Perhaps it’s just a silly notion because I don’t have it in my own family, or even in my husbands, but my hope is for my children and their children to enjoy each other and their relationships their entire lives.


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Happy Monday. Be a better mom, today!!





Be a Better Mom Monday: Seek Contentment

seek contentment

Overwhelmed with disappointment, I struggle to find some semblance of contentment. My day old coffee is warm, not hot. My children bicker noisily in the background of my thoughts.  On the bench next the front door sits a tall laundry basket overflowing with folded clothes. As I sit at my barely clear kitchen table with large decorated gingerbread men in my peripheral I hear a load of laundry in the dryer. This morning I pushed start for the thrid time.

I will walk across a dirty kitchen floor to get to the laundry room that holds another full basket of clean clothes waiting to be folded and a dirty rug and towels, piled on the floor, waiting to be washed!

The text from my husband trying to make peace sits unanswered on my Note 3.

Who was that girl who thought her life would be full of adventure? Where is that girl who longed to change the world?

And yet even in the mundane, boring or even disappointing moments I can still feel my peace and my joy.  Years of restlessness are gone and an attitude of hopefullness will take over before I even finish this post.


  1. My children aren’t hungry starving.  (Though they seem to ALWAYS be hungry.)
  2. My husband will come home.
  3. My home is warm and welcoming
  4. My Bible sits in front of me begging to dispense its wisdom.

There are blessings. There are ALWAYS blessings. There are always more blessings than burdens.

Look for them.

Search for them.

Beg for them.

Fight through the disappointment. Reheat your coffee, or if you are really feeling brazen, make a fresh pot JUST for yourself!!  😉

That is what I’m going to do!

Contentment. Check.

“But godliness with contentment is great gain.
For we brought nothing into the world, and we can take nothing out of it.”
1 Timothy 6:6-7

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I’m not giving up cookies for Christmas and I don’t care who knows it!!

cookies 2Exhausted, I stumble out of bed and into my workout clothes, compression socks, running shoes and contacts. It’s dark both inside and outside so I fumble to find a hair band.  I don’t dare turn on any lights in fear of waking up a child, but I DO brush my teeth because thankfully I have a new neighbor I will be meeting in my garage for our early morning workout. I would not be up before the sun if it weren’t for her accountability, but that is a post for another day…

We spend 20-30 minutes mimicking the woman on the television and then I prance upstairs in my accomplishment looking for coffee.

This morning I notice the beautifully wrapped cookies my neighbor brought over yesterday… full size platter for our family of 8…a blessing, but I feel guilty for wanting one with my black coffee.

Perhaps your facebook page is like mine, laden with women’s pictures of their sweaty post body workouts. There is often a sports bra wearing, perfect abs, woman in the background. Maybe you have loads of amazing women who post their healthy egg breakfasts they can manage to choke down without cheese.  Maybe you yourself have felt the guilt of not working out or indulging in…gasp… a Christmas cookie!!!

It’s December 11th…exactly 2 weeks until Christmas and there is food I LOVE this time of year. I love fudge and tamales and the neighbors elaborately decorated, amazing tasting, Christmas cookies.  I’m also still packing a good 15lbs from my last pregnancy.

So what is a girl to do…

Well, I’m going to eat the cookie, make the tamales and deliver the fudge!!!  For me, part of the tradition of Christmas is yummy food and I’m good with that. I will continue my workouts and enjoy my cookies in “moderation”. ( I know some of you don’t believe a frosted shortbread Christmas Tree with my black coffee for my post workout breakfast is considered moderation.)

But here I am to confess to you that for the rest of December I’m going to:

  • Continue my workouts
  • Drink enough water.


  • Eat the darn Christmas cookies if I want to!!!!

Enjoy your holidays. Bake cookies with your littles. For goodness sake, celebrate the birth of our Savior and if you should so desire, just eat the cookie!! Don’t laden it with guilt, but enjoy the blessings other desire to bestow upon you and your family!!

P.S. If you don’t have AMAZING neighbors who bring you cookies, then BE the amazing neighbor who delivers them!!!


Thank you so much for taking the time to read this post. It is so encouraging when you “share” with your friends on social media and “like” our FB page!! 


Sugar in your coffee.

eat your coffeeHe stands there lovingly with my favorite mug in his outstretched hand.  He’s made me a cup of coffee and I can tell from his eyes, he is loving me.  I can also tell with my eyes he’s maxed out my drink caloric intake with the amount of half n half and sugar he’s added to my brew.

I have two choices…

  1.  Whine, nag or complain that my dear husband has made me a cup of coffee WRONG.


2.  Say “Thank You!!” and kiss the man who will be by my side until I die.

I would just like to take a moment to publicly shame the voice in my brain that wanted to scream, “I’ve been off sugar for 3 days!!! I’ve been drinking shakes for breakfast and lunch and am DESPERATELY trying to get this baby weight OFF!!”

My relationship with my husband is more important than sugar in my coffee.  The fact that he momentarily forgot, because he isn’t worried about me losing the weight as much as I am, and did a sweet (see what I did there) thing for me, makes him a great husband, NOT an inconsiderate buttface.

So often I see or hear women complaining about their husband being inconsiderate when really I think they are trying to be great husbands.

Take a moment.  Thank your hubby for something nice he did, EVEN if it didn’t really help you.  Sometimes, it really is the thought that counts.  Sometimes our hearts are wicked and selfish. Sometimes we nag when we should say thank you.

After I thanked my husband for my coffee, took a sip and sat down, he remembered.  He felt terrible for giving me sugar.  I thanked him anyway and told him it was no big deal….and you know what? It wasn’t!!!

How much damage would I have done if I would have made a big stink, or even just NOT drank the coffee.   Husband’s find it difficult to do nice things for wives who complain about the “kind” of flowers or what is in the coffee.

Be loving and kind.  Relationships are more important than what you eat/drink. I know it’s a difficult concept these days, but it’s true!!!

Thank you ladies, for taking the time to read this. My hope is you found a little encouragement and at least a quick giggle!!  Sharing this post and liking my Facebook page make my life so much more fun and LITERALLY contribute to my happiness!!!

Happy Friday!!!

Be A Better Mom Monday |Don’t Worry


My firstborn leaned back on the exam table. Shaking with tears in his eyes, he was fighting them back.  So tough and brave, my heart ached watching him hold to such manly qualities at such a young age. I covered his eyes as instructed by the doctor so the long needle digging into ino his foot wouldn’t startle him.  He had to be completely still for her to safely numb the area. So with a Moby wrapping my baby snug against my chest and my 6 year old in the chair behind me, I held tight to my oldest boy’s hand while covering his eyes with my other.

Watching her poke the small area a few times, I wished there was a needle to poke me and numb me from the overflow of emotions and nagging feeling pressing on my heart.  I pushed back my own tears not wanting  my child to wonder what was making me cry.

Her two inch flat razor in both hands, our sweet, new dermatologist intently focused on carving out my 7 year olds oddly shaped foot mole in a a smooth practiced fashion. I loved her for the care and precision she took with my 3rd great love. She had children of her own, the same age. You could see her compassion for me in her eyes. Her hope this was nothing, matched mine, the way only another mother’s could.

We took a picture of the mole specimen floating in the surgical cup. The home educator in me wanted us to study my son’s possibly cancerous foot mole. Might make the week of waiting go a little faster.  The doctor had, after all, explained how this would be taken to a lab and cut into tiny little pieces to be examined under a microscope. SCIENCE!!  She drew fascination into the eyes of my son who was intrigued with the magic medicine that “made his skin go to sleep” so he didn’t feel anything. He had already forgotten his momentary pain of the first needle injections and was ready to head back to the front desk to choose his sticker.

Biopsy. The word filled my mind from the first walk out to the stickers to the time I lay my head on my pillow late the same evening. A word, if you’ve heard before may invoke your own personal memories of horror, pain or fear.

As I site here less than 24 hours from the procedure (really too small to even call the event such a word), waiting to hear if the oddly shaped, different colored mole growing on my son’s foot is cancerous, I feel the Lord gently remind me not to worry or fear.

I have peace.

But what if he does have cancerous cells?

“Do not worry. Do not fear.”

A peace that surpasses all understanding washes over me…not a  peace everything will be alright, but a peace that reminds me Who is never changing.

In a moment I remember, like all the other awful moments in life past—-no mater  what the outcome we will push through and let the Lord use our family how he sees fit.

Even if, God I beg you let it not be so, the worst of the worst happened, I would trust and serve my God.

Like when I thought I might die…

Like when I thought my 1 year old might have a bone disease…

Like when they told me they could take  my daughter from us…

God is faithful and that may not mean that son doesn’t have a cancerous mole.

I stand firm on 3 facts:

  • God loves me.
  • God loves my son even more than I do.
  • His plans have eternal purpose and are not always about me and my family.

So, when I’m worried, no matter how big or how small…I will…

 Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let {my} requests be made known to God;  and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard {my} heart and mind through Christ Jesus.”  Philippians 4:6-7

and take this advice…

“Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy—meditate on these things.” Philippians 4:8

Note: I know skin cancer is one of the most curable forms of cancer and children don’t often die from this kind of cancer, but as a parent when worst crosses your mind, you need to know where you stand with your God. I don’t want to dramatize this experience because I know there are much worse outcomes from much worse tests, but this was my heart and my story.

We don’t want any of you who know us and love us to worry, but we would appreciate your prayers if you think of us this week.

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UPDATE: His margins came back clear!!! So, as long as the mole doesn’t make a return, we should be good!!

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