If I’m really honest with myself, it’s difficult to be really honest with my husband. It’s difficult to share with him my failures, my insecurities and fears.
I’m pregnant and emotional, so I’m hoping my latest over sense of emotion is from an influx of hormones. This entire preface to say I’ve been feeling insecure. I’ve been feeling old and fat and really questioning the truth of:
“Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing, but a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised.” Proverbs 31:30
Boy, I could tell you that beauty is passing, for Pete’s sake, my husband pulled a gray hair from my 32 year old head this week, but it’s a woman who serves the Lord who will be praised doesn’t really seem like the truth sometimes.
I’ve not often struggled with feeling insecure in my life. I’m more of a “think I’m prettier than I really am” sort of gal, A charlatan of sorts, so there has never really been much reason to talk to my husband about such things.
Well, for multiple reasons, I’m sure mostly because the Lord didn’t want to let me continue to build up walls, I spilled the beans to my husband about a good many things.
Sometimes I fear:
- He will choose to leave
- He is not satisfied with me
- He wishes he ended up with someone else
- He wished my body was different
I wish I could tell you the exact words of how I expressed these fears to him. I’m sure didn’t lay it out in this nice clean list. It’s actually the way he responded to me that made me see what my fears really were. I know because he said to me:
- I am not going anywhere.
- You are every check in the box.
- Even when I’m grouchy, I’m still so in love with you.
- I praise you, babe.
We enjoyed an oddly intimate evening in the comfort of my in-laws guest room. An evening of sweet nothings (nothings I needed to hear) eased the deep insecurities of my heart. Had I not, in a quiet moment of peace trusted my husband with these deep secrets, I would have never heard the words I so desperately needed to hear.
I find so much solace in the Lord; I often try not to take my fears and insecurities to my husband. He doesn’t need to know the weight of all my troubles, especially when the troubles are easily remedies with the word of God.
So, I don’t even know if this could even be considered a “Be A Better Wife” post, but I know my husband held me and felt closer to me and knew me more by me choosing to be transparent with him on some insecurities I would have preferred to keep to myself.
Lord, for every woman reading this post I pray her confidence would be in you. May we all remember to focus on our relationship with you because our beauty really is fleeting. May every wife prayerfully consider sharing the deepest parts of them with her husband. May you prepare each husband to hear the truth and respond in love. Forgive us Lord for building up walls and please break them down when we are reluctant. Help us remember Your Word is what is true, not the world’s standard of beauty. Amen
Be a better wife today than you were yesterday. If you would be so bold as to share areas in your life you know you need to break down and be transparent with your husband, I know we would all be encouraged.