I’m on my hands and knees picking up all the toys lingering around the entire living and dining room areas.
I’m longing for the time when my little one is walking and able to put his own toys away before he goes to bed.
Bedtime went well tonight.
Bathtime was fun.
My little guy seemed to enjoy all his new Christmas bath toys. We read about King David in his children’s Bible and he went to sleep on his own with no coaxing or tears.
The high chair is still dirty from dinner, there are dishes in the sink and clean ones in the dishwasher.
There is laundry to be done and for the life of me I can’t think of what I might have accomplished today.
Let’s see, there was “no touch” this and “no touch” that.
There was ball rolling and walking practice. There was feeding and napping, but surely I can come up with something productive I did tonight. I just know my husband is going to ask tonight on the phone what I did today and I’m longing, digging, begging for something to tell him that sounds important.
My husband has a job where is gone for 2 days at a time. To be honest with you, and myself, it takes every ounce of energy just to have the place looking close to as good as it did when he left.
Being a “stay at home mom” isn’t what I thought it would be. Some days I’d much rather be at work having adult conversations with people who know my name and maybe don’t even care about the names of my children.
Is it wrong to have my mind wander to such places as I’m on the floor picking up blocks and dinosaurs? We have been blessed with so much this year and all I can do is sit here on the floor on my hands and knees and think about how tired I am and how I’m not even close to ready to do this all over again tomorrow.
AND…what do I do when I manage to get up off this cold Pergo floor?
Do I tackle the kitchen, the laundry or take a few precious moments to rest on the couch?
Does this count as resting?
Oh, no am I wasting my precious moments of resting still sitting on the floor?
Get up, I tell myself, but my body doesn’t want to move. Even though I’m just out of my first trimester, in my second pregnancy, my body is still tired. How will I ever handle 2 children?
“Lord give me strength.”
And so I get up and I fill my mind with songs of praise and adoration to my King and it doesn’t take me as long as I thought it would to clean the house or finish folding the laundry.
On the way to the bedroom I stop to peek in at my tiny 11 month old son. I can’t believe he’ll be one in just one short month. This year has flown by so fast.
With days like today fresh in my memory it’s no wonder why.
He’s lying there so precious and sweet.
All the sudden I remember who I work for. I remember that God gave up his only Son so I could have fellowship with Him for eternity. Looking at my only Son, I try to imagine the love God has for us. And I remember God has entrusted me with the lives of other human beings. The responsibility of raising my son in the ways of the Lord, and being a faithful helper to my husband in every imaginable and sometimes unimaginable ways is mine.
Through it all, the Lord is refining me.
He’s making me a better woman, a more selfless woman, a more privileged woman.
When I finally get into bed for the night, it’s the best feeling in the world. I can feel the weight of my body sinking into bed. Not having to hold myself or anyone else up anymore, feels like heaven. My heart is at peace and I thank the Lord that He is going to let me have another day as a wife and a mom. In a few short hours God has managed to bring me from defeated to exhilaration.
Being faithful to the Lord and remembering His promises is often the most difficult when I’m alone and exhausted. But we must always remember in our weakness He is strong.
May the Lord give us all the strength to be the women, wives, and mothers He is calling us to be.
Thanks so much for stopping by!! If you enjoyed this post from my early years of mothering, please consider joining our FB community.